What all these types have in common is that conflictogens are manifestations aimed at solving psychological problems or achieving some goals (psychological or pragmatic).

Let's look at the most common conflictogens of each type.

Striving for Excellence

• * Direct manifestations of superiority: orders, threats, remark or any other negative assessment, criticism, accusation, ridicule, mockery, sarcasm.
• * A condescending attitude, that is, a manifestation of superiority, but with a tinge of goodwill: “Don’t be offended”, “Calm down”, “How can you not know this?”, “Don’t you understand?”, “It was told to you in Russian”, “You smart person, but what you do..." In a word - oblivion of the well-known wisdom: “If you are smarter than others, then don’t tell anyone about it.” A condescending tone is also a source of conflict.

The husband praised his wife for a delicious dinner. But she was offended because it was said in a condescending tone, and she felt like a cook.

• * Boasting, that is, an enthusiastic story about one’s successes, real or imaginary, causes irritation and a desire to “put” the braggart in his place.
• * Categorical, categorical - a manifestation of excessive confidence in one’s rightness, self-confidence; assumes one's superiority and subordination of the interlocutor. This includes any statements in a categorical tone, in particular such as “I believe”, “I am sure”. Instead, it is safer to use statements that are less forceful: “I think”, “It seems to me”, “I have the impression that...”.

Conflict triggers of this type are also categorical phrases such as “All men are scoundrels”, “All women are liars”, “Everyone steals”, “...and let’s finish this conversation.”

Parents’ categorical judgments about music, clothing, and behavior accepted among young people can alienate their children from them. For example, a mother says to her daughter: “Your new friend is not a match for you.” The daughter was rude in response. It is possible that she herself sees the shortcomings of her friend, but it is the categorical nature of the verdict that gives rise to protest. Apparently, the mother’s words would have caused a different resonance: “It seems to me that he is somewhat self-confident, he undertakes to judge something that he has little understanding of. But maybe I’m wrong, time will tell.”

* Imposing your advice. There is a rule: give advice only when you are asked for it. The advisor essentially takes a position of superiority.

For example, a trolleybus driver, as an initiative, took on the additional responsibility of educating passengers on different topics: rules traffic, rules of good manners, etc. The speaker in the cabin did not stop, endlessly repeating common truths. Passengers expressed unanimous indignation at such an intrusive “service”; many complained that they got off the trolleybus in a bad mood.

Note that the driver had the best intentions. And the result is not at all what she expected.

The story connected with Einstein is interesting. The scientist had a small notebook in which he wrote down the thoughts that came to his mind. "Why is it so small for you?" - they asked him.

“Because,” answered the outstanding scientist, “good thoughts come very rarely.”

A good hint for those who like to impose their point of view: they may have good thoughts much less often than they think.

The source of the listed conflictogens can also be an attempt to assert oneself through a position of superiority, in other words, at the expense of others.

Withholding information. Information is a necessary element of life. Lack of information causes a state of anxiety.

Information can be withheld for various reasons: for example, by a manager from his subordinates out of good intentions, so as not to upset him with bad news.

But nature does not tolerate a vacuum, and the resulting vacuum is filled with conjectures, rumors, gossip, which still exist. of the worst quality. Although it is much more dangerous that distrust arises in the one who concealed the information, because his action caused a state of anxiety.

• * Ethical violations, intentional or unintentional. I used someone else's idea, but did not refer to the author. Caused inconvenience (unintentionally pushed, stepped on a foot, etc.), but did not apologize; did not invite me to sit down; did not say hello or said hello to the same person several times during the day. He “got in” without waiting in line, using a friend or his position of authority.
• * Banter. Its target usually becomes someone who for some reason cannot give a worthy rebuff. Lovers of ridicule should not forget that already in ancient times the vice of an evil tongue was condemned. Thus, in the first psalm of David, scoffers are condemned along with atheists and sinners. And it is no coincidence: the ridiculed will look for an opportunity to get even with the offender.
• * Deception or an attempt to deceive is a means to achieve a goal by dishonest means and is the strongest conflict generator.
• * A reminder (possibly unintentional) of some kind of losing situation for the interlocutor.

There are known cases of paradoxical behavior when a saved person (after a certain time) killed his savior. This paradox is explained by the fact that, seeing the one who saved him, the person each time re-experienced the state of shameful helplessness and the feeling of gratitude was gradually replaced by irritation, a feeling of inferiority in comparison with the person to whom he should be grateful all his life.

Of course, these are exceptional cases. But Tacitus also said: “Benefits are pleasant only when you know that you can repay them; when they are exorbitant, then instead of gratitude you repay them with hatred.” It is no coincidence that Christian commandments (and not only them) call for doing good not in order to receive gratitude, but for one’s own soul. Having done good to another, free him from the need to be obliged to you for what he has done, for, as F. Schiller said: “Gratitude is the most forgettable of all.”

* Shifting responsibility to another person.

The student asked a friend to take it for safekeeping a large amount in dollars. He hid it in his books. Soon a relative came to visit him and accidentally discovered an envelope with dollars. Having replaced them with false ones, he left, citing changed circumstances. When a friend came for money, a violent conflict broke out.

The essence of this conflict is that one shifted responsibility for the safety of money to the other, and he agreed without having the necessary conditions.

* Please borrow money

Refusal causes an unpleasant feeling in the person asking. But satisfying a request often leads to conflict: they don’t always give it on time, you have to remind them, etc. No wonder the proverb was born: “If you want to lose a friend, lend him money.”

Manifestation of aggressiveness.

In Latin, the word "aggressio" means "attack". Aggression can manifest itself as a personality trait and situationally, as a reaction to current circumstances.

Natural aggressiveness

An acquaintance of mine, an outstanding scientist, once admitted that if he doesn’t quarrel in the morning, he cannot work for the day. Unfortunately, he is not alone; some people really have natural aggressiveness.

However, fortunately, people who are naturally aggressive are a minority. For the vast majority, natural aggressiveness is normal, and only situational aggressiveness manifests itself.

Age-related manifestations of aggressiveness are also known, for example, in adolescents: fights (“backyard to yard”), defiant behavior at home, at school, on the street. Here is both an attempt at self-affirmation and an expression of protest against one’s “unequal” position, dependent on others (adults).

Everyone can determine their natural aggressiveness using the appropriate aggressiveness tests given, among others, in the mentioned book “How to manage others. How to manage yourself (The Art of the Manager).”

One more observation. Once, as a boy, I witnessed how one trainer prepared his ward, a good-natured, big boxer, for an upcoming fight: he hit him in the face until he became furious. Apparently, without this, his pet lacked aggressiveness in the ring. It is also known that world champion Mohammed Ali started an altercation before the fight in order to get himself “in condition.”

• * A person with increased aggressiveness has conflicts and is a “walking conflictogen” because he splashes out accumulated irritation on those around him. In other words, he resolves his internal problems at the expense of those around him. In this sense, he is like a “vampire”, absorbing the positive energy (and emotions) of those around him.
• * A person with below average aggressiveness risks achieving much less in life than he deserves.

A complete lack of aggressiveness borders on apathy or spinelessness, for it means a refusal to fight. I remember, for example, main character film "Autumn Marathon": he suffers, he tortures people close to him - and all because of weakness of will, inability to defend his opinion.

Situational aggressiveness

It arises as a response to internal conflicts caused by current circumstances. This could be troubles (personal or work-related), bad mood and well-being, as well as a response to the resulting conflict.

In psychology, this state is called frustration. It arises as a result of a real or imaginary obstacle that prevents the achievement of a goal. Defensive reactions to frustration manifest themselves in aggressiveness. Frustration often becomes the cause of neuroses.

Since aggression is destructive to human relationships and is closely associated with frustration, the question arises of how to get rid of the harmful effects of aggressiveness.

This question interests many and therefore one of the following sections is devoted to it.

It should be noted that conflictogens such as “striving for superiority” and “manifesting selfishness” can also be attributed to a certain form of aggression - hidden aggression. For they represent an attack, albeit a veiled one, on a person’s dignity and interests.

Due to the escalation of conflictogens, hidden aggression is rebuffed in the form of overt, stronger aggression.

The root of the word "egoism" is the Latin "ego", meaning "I".

All manifestations of egoism are conflict-generating, because the egoist achieves something for himself (usually at the expense of others), and this injustice, of course, serves as a basis for conflict.

Egoism is a person’s value orientation, characterized by the predominance of selfish needs, regardless of the interests of other people. Manifestations of egoism consist in treating another person as an object and a means of achieving selfish goals.

The development of egoism and its transformation into the dominant orientation of the personality is explained by serious defects in upbringing. Inflated self-esteem and egocentrism of the individual are consolidated in childhood, as a result of which only one’s own interests, needs, experiences, etc. are taken into account. In adulthood, such concentration on one’s own self, selfishness and complete indifference to the inner world of other people leads to alienation. “Egoism is hateful,” said Pascal, “and those who do not suppress it, but only cover it up, are always worthy of hatred.”

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

Knowledge of some principles easily compensates for ignorance of some facts.

Helvetius

5.1. Conflictogens - “viruses” of random conflicts

Two aspects of the problem

In this chapter we will focus mainly on two aspects that are little covered in the literature, which are very important and at the same time difficult.

First, let's study the patterns by which conflicts arise and flare up.

Secondly, we will equip the reader with techniques and methods of analyzing situations that will allow us to identify the essence of conflicts and eliminate them in the bud.

The analysis shows that those in conflict, as a rule, cannot formulate the true causes of the conflict, “getting hung up” on the moments that most disturb them, which, as they say, lie on the surface and are a consequence of deeper causes. It is clear that treatment without a diagnosis is doomed to a worse outcome.

The first aspect is the core of conflict prevention, the second is the main one in their resolution.

The nature and deceit of conflict agents.

The law of their escalation

In almost 80% of cases, conflicts arise against the wishes of their participants. This happens due to the peculiarities of our psyche and the fact that most people either do not know about them or do not attach importance to them.

Origin of the word conflictogen described by us in paragraph 1.2. We call conflictogens words, actions (or inaction) that can lead to conflict.

The word “capable” is the key word here, revealing the danger of conflict agents. The fact that they do not always lead to conflict dulls our vigilance towards them. For example, discourteous treatment does not always cause conflict; many people believe that “it will do.” However, it often doesn’t “go away”.

The nature and insidiousness of conflictogens can be explained as follows. We are much more sensitive to the words of others than to what we say ourselves. There is an opinion that women do not attach any importance to their words, but they attach great importance to what they hear themselves. In fact, all of us are guilty of this, not just the fair sex.

Our special sensitivity regarding the words addressed to us comes from the desire to protect ourselves, our dignity from possible attacks. But we are not as vigilant when it comes to the dignity of others, and therefore we are not as careful about our words and actions.

We cannot ignore a very important pattern of escalation of conflict triggers: we try to respond to a conflict trigger addressed to us with a stronger conflict trigger, often the strongest of all possible ones.

This pattern can be explained as follows. Having “received” a conflictogen in his address, the victim wants to compensate for his psychological loss, feels the desire to get rid of the irritation that has arisen, responding with insult to insult. At the same time, the answer should not be weaker, and to be sure, it is even done with a “reserve”: it is difficult to resist the temptation to teach the offender a lesson, so that he does not allow himself to do this in the future. As a result, the power of conflict agents is rapidly growing.

Why is this so? Unfortunately, we are designed this way - we react painfully to insults and insults, and show retaliatory aggression.

Of course, the requirements of high morality are better met by the ability to restrain, and even better, to forgive insults. All religions and ethical teachings call for this, however, despite all the admonitions, education and training, the number of people who want to “turn the other cheek” is not increasing.

Apparently, the need for security, to feel comfortable, and not to lose dignity is among the basic needs of a person, and therefore an attack on his rights is perceived extremely painfully.

Ignoring the pattern of escalation of conflict triggers is a direct road to conflict. I would like each of us to constantly remember this. Then there will be fewer conflicts, and especially those in which, by and large, none of the participants is interested. Let us recall that the first conflictogen can be (and most often happens) unintentional, the result of a coincidence of circumstances.

There really is a lot in common here, but there are also fundamental differences. The first is that in people the reaction is usually stronger than the action (and not equal to it); the second is that. that the law of mechanics operates independently of our will, and we can still stop the escalation of conflictogens, this is within our control.

Scheme of occurrence of random conflicts

This diagram is shown in Fig. 5.1.

		More strongly		Even more strongly
conflict		responsive		responsive
		conflictogen		conflictogen

Rice. 5.1

This diagram helps to understand why in most cases conflict arises spontaneously, as it were, beyond the wishes of its participants.

The first conflictogen often appears situationally, against the will of the participants, and then the law of escalation of conflictogens comes into play... and now the conflict is already evident.

Everyday situation: the husband accidentally touched a cup standing on the edge of the table, it falls to the floor.

How clumsy you are! “I broke all the dishes in the house,” he hears his wife’s voice.

Because everything is out of place! And in general the house is a mess!

If only you could provide some help! I'm at work all day, and I just want to tell you and your mommy!

The result is disappointing: both are in a bad mood, there is a conflict, and the spouses are unlikely to be happy with this turn of events.

In fact, this episode consists entirely of conflictogens. The husband's awkwardness is the first of these, and it may or may not lead to conflict. It all depends on the wife's reaction. And in accordance with the law of escalation, she not only does not try to defuse the situation, but in her remark she moves from a particular case to a generalization, “to the individual.” Trying to justify himself, the husband does the same, acting on the principle: best protection- this is an attack.

This diagram also suggests ways to prevent conflicts.

When helping a client choose the product or service he needs, we periodically encounter so-called “conflict clients.” What are they? Why do they behave this way? Are there many of them? How to behave with them?

Before readers answer these questions, let them try to remember themselves as a client. Have you always enjoyed communicating with sellers or people providing you with services? Far from everyone can boast one hundred percent only positive emotions as a client.

But can you call yourself a conflict client? Hardly. After all, each of us considers himself quite polite and correct. And if we are all so polite, then where do these conflicting clients come from, and in such numbers?! According to statistics that the author collected during his trainings, at least a third, or even almost half of all clients are conflict-prone.

I suggest one more experiment: imagine that you have asked a seller a question, and hear in response:

You did not carefully read the information at the entrance.

Is not beige color, and the color of baked milk.

Don't you see, I'm busy, contact someone else.

You like? Have you lost the desire to continue communicating with this seller? Most likely, in all three cases, the desire decreased significantly, as did the good mood. But what happened? The seller didn’t seem to say anything criminal, and wasn’t even rude. However, all these phrases contain something that provokes a negative reaction and aggression. And it's something called conflictogen .

“The whole world is a theater.
There are women, men - all actors.
They have their own exits, departures,
And everyone plays more than one role"

So, a conflictogen is a word, phrase, position or action that provokes a negative response. The “Parent – ​​Adult – Child” model best describes conflictogens. This model was created by Eric Bern. He talks about it in detail in his book “People Who Play Games. Games People Play".

Mr. Byrne says that although we have all grown up, each of us has: Parent, Adult and Child. We not only remember the behavior of our parents, we even try to copy it at some points, or this happens involuntarily. But it is important not to confuse the role of the Parent and the real parent as a separate person. After all, all three roles are also present in a real parent.

Parent

The role of the Parent, his main function, is to educate. He educates due to the fact that he knows how to survive. He has a lot of life experience, which is a storehouse of norms and rules. The parent lives and communicates on the basis of social norms: “That’s not how things are done!”, “Boys shouldn’t cry!”, “Elders should give way!”

He says: “It’s possible” or “It’s not possible” , when it prohibits or allows. And it allows him to prohibit or allow him power over the child. He says: “We must.” And thanks to power, the parent gives orders to the child. He's also assesses personality and says good child or bad: “I did my homework - well done.” If you didn’t, you’re bad and you won’t go for a walk today.”

Child

The role of the Child is the state of a person and his behavior, similar to child behavior. We all remember how we behaved as children. We have grown up, but there is a child in each of us. It personifies our feelings and emotions, a feeling of dependence on adults and defenselessness.

In a critical situation, the Child may begin to make excuses or lie, fearing punishment. Means, avoidance of responsibility - This characteristic child and immature personality.

The interaction of these two roles within each of us can be demonstrated through everyday examples. So, imagine the morning of a working day. The alarm clock rings and the first one to wake up “in your head” is the Parent. He says: “You have to get up for work!” And the Child answers him: “No, I want to sleep!”

And this bickering can continue for a very long time until an Adult enters into the dialogue. He assesses the situation and analyzes the risks. That is what happens if will you stay asleep or go to work. And you act based on the conclusions that the Adult makes. He can find a compromise, satisfying the interests of the Parent and the Child. For example, he will allow you to sleep an extra 5-10 minutes and drink coffee at work so as not to be late.

Adult

Role of the Adult – This is the state of a person and his behavior aimed at an objective assessment of reality. In this state, a person processes information and calculates the probabilities that he needs to effective interaction with the outside world. The Adult controls the communication between the Parent and the Child, that is, he is an intermediary between them.

People interaction

Now let's look at communications between two people. Let's start with a simple example. Morning. Husband and wife are getting ready to go to work. The husband calmly asks his wife: “Where is my shirt?” (Figure 1 shows a diagram in which this communication is drawn with a horizontal line from adult to adult, the so-called “communication as equals”).

To which his wife can answer him from three positions. For example:

Parent with hands on hips: “I don’t have to look after your shirts!”

Child with a guilty look: “I don’t know.”

Adult: “Remember where you last placed it.”

Communications from Parent to Child and vice versa are depicted in Figure 1 as straight lines from top to bottom, diagonally from bottom to top, respectively.

Service workers often communicate in the same way. They can also answer a client’s question in a difficult situation using any of the three roles. For example, a client in a restaurant approached the cloakroom attendant and asked: “I’ve lost my number.” This is a simple question from the role of an Adult. The wardrobe manager may respond to this:

- “Haven’t you lost your head?” or “I don’t know anything, this is your problem” (Parent)

- “Oh, I don’t decide anything, this is my second day at work...” (Child)

- “Now we’ll solve the situation...” (Adult)

Every time, a Child, Parent or Adult comes to the fore for each of us. Everyone has a favorite role. But in a difficult, conflict situation, it is useful to be an Adult. The main mistake is to be in conflict and be a Child or a Parent when communicating with a client. Remember the tephrases that were given at the beginning of the article. These are just the words of the Parent. That's why they are perceived negatively.

Figure 1. Psychological positions in communication according to Eric Berne

"Provocateurs"

There are a number of conflictogens that are unacceptable when communicating with a client.

The “Top” or “Parent” position manifests itself either:

in nonverbal dominance: looking down, hands on hips,

in verbal superiority.

Table 1. Examples of conflictogens

Position	Description
Evaluation position	Assessing the correctness or incorrectness of the client's actions. Is he good or bad? “I’m fine, but you’re not,” “I’m better than you,” “You’re worse than me.”
Ought	Relationships with the client are based only on contractual relations. If you don't like something, don't call the client to his conscience, don't tell him what he should be and what he should do. Don't lecture your client.
Direct manifestations of superiority	An order, threat, remark or any other negative assessment, criticism, accusation, ridicule, mockery, sarcasm.
Condescending attitude	A display of superiority, but with a hint of goodwill. A condescending tone is also a conflict-generator: “Don’t be offended”, “Calm down”, “How can you not know this?”, “Don’t you understand?”, “It was told to you in Russian”, “You are a smart person, but what you do...”. Here you should remember: “If you are smarter than others, then no one do not speak about it" ” .
Boasting	An enthusiastic story about your successes, real or imaginary, causes irritation and a desire to “put” the braggart in his place.
	Manifestation of excessive confidence in one’s own rightness, self-confidence; assumes one’s superiority and subordination of the interlocutor. A categorical tone is also a source of conflict: “I believe,” “I am sure,” “I am right.” Instead, it is safer to use statements that are less forceful: “I think”, “It seems to me”, “I have the impression that...”. Conflictogens of this type are also categorical phrases such as: “All men are scoundrels”, “All women are liars”, “Everyone steals”, “... and let’s finish this conversation”
Imposing your advice	The advisor essentially takes a position of superiority. There is a rule: give advice only when asked for it.
	In this way, the interrupter demonstrates that his thoughts are more valuable than the thoughts of others, and therefore he should be listened to.
Violations of ethics (intentional or unintentional)	cause inconvenience (unintentionally pushed, stepped on a foot) and do not apologize; did not invite me to sit down; not saying hello or greeting the same person several times during the day; “get in” without waiting in line, using a friend or your position of authority.
Banter	Its object is usually someone who for some reason cannot give a worthy rebuff. After all, the ridiculed will look for an opportunity to get even with the offender.
Deception or attempted deception	This is a means to achieve a goal by dishonest means and it is the strongest conflict generator.
Reminder (possibly unintentional)	For example, about some kind of losing situation for the interlocutor.

Among the conflict-generating words, the following can be noted: “No”, “In vain”, “Calm down”, “Don’t be nervous” and any rude or abusive word.

Now you know how to avoid a parental attitude in your relationships with clients. But how to behave if the interaction began with a parent client?

Algorithm for working in a conflict situation with a conflict client

When you see that a person can barely restrain himself, raises his voice, and is indignant, then you need to behave like this. Firstly,it is necessary to allow the client "Chill out". Let him speak out and free himself from emotions. Your task is only to remain silent for a while. At this moment it is very important to be congruent(that is, appropriate to the situation). Under no circumstances should you smile. The client may think that he is simply being mocked. And under no circumstances say: “Calm down,” “Don’t be nervous.” These words, as we have already found out, will only add fuel to the fire and aggravate the situation.

Secondly, need to "Take into account". Taking into account is a response in video encouraging remarks and summing up conclusions that will testify to the correct understanding of what was said. Listening demonstrates interest and care, and acknowledgment demonstrates understanding and participation.

Therefore, there is no need to waste the client’s time and nerves. Just ask him: “How can I help you? What would you like me to do for you? At this point, responsibility is divided equally between the seller and the buyer. The seller must admit within himself that he does not know what to do. So he asks the buyer. His task is to remain in the position of an Adult and not succumb to incitement. The client’s task is to get him out of this situation; if the buyer does this, he will win. And if the seller resists, then everyone wins: the seller, the buyer, and the store.

The client, of course, can ask: “Jump with one leg.” But this does not mean that you need to satisfy all the whims of customers. The seller will answer: “I cannot do this for you, since it is not my responsibility. What can I do for you to resolve this situation? Let's think together."

Fourth, the seller must honestly “Fulfill the agreement.”

In order for you to have conflicting clients as rarely as possible or not to have them at all, the author recommends accepting all of the above as a good standard for communication between service personnel and clients.

Olga Gennadievna Dobrovolskaya

The literal translation of the word “conflictogen” is “giving birth to conflicts.” It can be any object, thing, idea, view that reveals differences, relationships, words, actions (or inactions) that can lead to the emergence of a tense situation and its escalation into a conflict.

Conflict words

The peculiarity of the human psyche is that we are more sensitive to the words of others than to what we say ourselves. Our special sensitivity regarding words addressed to us comes from the desire to protect ourselves, our dignity from possible attacks. But we are not as careful and civil when it comes to the dignity of others, and therefore we are not as strict about our words and actions.

In addition to the obvious conflict-generating words, such as insults, threats, unflattering comparisons, ridicule, accusations, open expressions of hostility, distrust, references to negative opinions of other people about a person - there are a number of other statements that can provoke a conflict when you did not want it at all and, rather, In all, you will be surprised - why is your interlocutor suddenly so wound up?

Directions- “you must”, “you must”, etc., which can be perceived as an indicator of your superiority over your interlocutor

Words of condescension- “calm down”, “don’t be offended”, “You’re a smart person, why are you...”. Such generally friendly phrases in certain situations, when a person is nervous, trigger a backlash because they are perceived as a condescending attitude towards the interlocutor or as an instruction. Avoid such words when communicating with a client who has come with a complaint or claim.

Generalization words- for example, “you always don’t listen to me”, “you can never complete anything”, “everyone takes advantage of my kindness”, “no one understands me”, “you will never agree with me”, etc. ; With this generalization, you present a particular situation as a pattern, as a character trait of your interlocutor, which, of course, gives rise to the desire to argue with you.

Categorical Confidence- “I am sure”, “I believe”, “unequivocally”, “without a doubt”, etc. The use of such statements often makes the opponent want to doubt it and argue about this categorical judgment.

Persistent advice- advising, in in this case Having taken a position of superiority, as a rule, achieves the opposite effect - distrust and the desire to act differently. Moreover, we should not, apparently, forget that advice given in the presence of others is most often perceived as a reproach.

Conflictogens in behavior

In addition to statements that can provoke conflict, there are also conflict triggers in behavior.

These include:

Understatement or misinformation, i.e. deception. A person feels uncomfortable if he senses signs of self-distrust or a lack of information about the situation in which he finds himself.

Some mystery. Here are two colleagues whispering, exchanging glances, falling silent if someone approaches, speaking in hints - demonstrating that there is a circle of select people where outsiders are prohibited from entering. “Strangers,” in turn, also exclude them from the circle of confidential communication.

Finding someone to blame(“scapegoat”). This behavior is born unconsciously, from a person’s need for psychological safety, security, the desire to remove frightening uncertainty and know exactly what is causing troubles and troubles (or exclude oneself from the circle of suspects). However, by giving oneself the authority to judge and accuse someone, one demonstrates a position of superiority and provokes others to become defensive.

Imposing an inaccessible style of speech on the interlocutor. If in a conversation with a colleague you use terms that he does not know, then you deprive him of the opportunity to have a conversation with you on an equal footing and cause him a feeling of inferiority, and as a result, a defensive reaction.

Interruption interlocutor or the desire to correct another. The one who does this involuntarily demonstrates that you only need to listen to him, that his thoughts are more valuable than the thoughts of others.

Sharp acceleration of pace conversation and its unexpected curtailment. This behavior shows that a person feels like he is in control of the situation, and others must adapt to him. He evaluates his time and his interests as more important than causing a blow to the pride of other people. Conflict is practically guaranteed.

To prevent the development of a conflict, the main thing is to understand the cause of its occurrence. It is much easier to limit the impact of conflict agents if they are detected in time. Strive to be clear, unambiguous, and informative.

The article uses materials from Fyodor Kuzin (ippnou.ru) and Lyubov Tsoi (klubok.net)